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Showing posts from July, 2006

*good start*

it has been healing staying at home all this while...
i still like teevee shows...
i love my parents...
i can't be bothered with most of my problems...
except the part about me finding my dream job...
i want it pretty badly...
and of course...
i want to come back to God...
i see my snail progressive movements...
i'm glad...
i got to motivate myself more...
that's all...

~

"Hedyn pob drwg yw diogi" (welsh proverbs)
--> The seed of all evil is laziness.

*sensitivity*

had my visit to askmen.com...
whenever i feel like...
i'll surf the website, hoping to learn something i don't know...
realized 1 thing...
men may just turn their backs on the idea of being upfront about a break up...
perhaps it is just my experiences...
i don't know...
i dislike the modes of communication in this modern world...
the most favoured one for me is face-to-face...
maybe guys now are less expressive or lack the courage...
whichever it may be...
sometimes i just don't understand...
and other times, i'm so afraid i'll turn a feminista...
scary...
cause it would not be hard to imagine...
but yet i can't bring myself to be one...

~

i want to be talking about more fascinating things that are on-going...
or offer opinions on what i think and hopefully constructive...
but i'm just too burn out...
my mind is just not registering stuffs to educate me...

~
guess i better try to get some sleep from counting of sheep...
tata! =)

*insomnia*

listening to Bob Marley's "No Women No Cry"
this song never fails to make me feel better..
no men no cry by pam though

~

the past few days were pretty neutral...
my mom spoke to me that day...
my life should be taking a turn soon, i hope...
sometimes i felt like i'm forced to face adulthood...
my mom gave me a necklace...
wearing it reminded me - you're an adult now...
i'll treasure it...
i love my parents...
just not too sure how to express it...

~

i realized my general knowledge is really poor...
i got to read more...
i feel dumb...
i can't recall facts from my geography textbooks...
darn...

~

met up with someone i don't know but definitely need to...
felt like a blind date...
without flowers as the indicator though...
i don't know why and don't bother to ask...
the moment we sat down...
we chatted probably non-stop for 3 straight hours...
all i did was blabber about things that matter and many which did not...
it was so comfortable...
felt like an old friend...
an old …

*time to grow up*

today i got smack back to reality...
it was kind of agonizing...
i was reminded that i couldn't take forever to decide whether i want to continue with my job or otherwise...
my colleague asked me a couple of questions which determined my fate...
i'm jobless...
officially...
i was in low spirit...
but not for long...

~

i don't understand why harsh but truthful words are not expressed right before me...
i would be able to take it...
because usually i must have done something wrong to deserve that form of 'treatment'...
i don't like it when others communicate important things via email, msn or sms...
i must admit that i use these modes sometimes...
and i really probably should not use it in the future as there would be lots of misinterpretations...
today i wonder why must bad stuffs happen before my birthday...
somehow, i think i deserve it...

~
watched oprah winfrey's show...
brought tears to my eyes...
finally, a reason to cry...
nate, an interior designer lost his good friend..…

*gimme a break*

i requested for an off day on monday and got a surprising reply from my boss...
she said i probably needed a longer break...
i was not performing and seemed too distracted...
she was understanding...
that was what i really needed...
i'm now freed...
for the whole month...

~

don't ask me why...
it looks like i'm idling around...
doing nothing constructive...
but i think i'll make use of this time to carefully re-think about what i want to do for the next half of the year...
i'm turning 21...
but i'm behaving like an 11...
1st half of this year just gone by without me doing anything beneficial to anyone and myself, i suppose...
not the kind of life i want to lead...

~

going to do something crazy soon...
sometimes i think i'm really like a roller coaster...
i like to be unpredictable...
the ride may be hair-raising...
you don't know where i would head...

~

i want to do something really delirious...
i don't know what...
on the contrary, i can think of something relaxing...
but h…

*the long anticipated b'day wish list*

and now, i present to you the long anticipated birthday wish list of princess pamela aka the greedy one:

1) Godiva Chocolatier's: (G- Hearts Collection; flavours: praline crunch, pistachio, mixed berry & tasmanian honey)
http://www.godiva.com.hk/EN/G-Hearts/G_set1.asp
2) A bouquet of birds of paradise (meaning of flower: sauve, in free spirit and loving.. matches me?) (i should be getting flowers.. =D)
3) CD radio corder (aka CD player)
4) Portable mini VCD player
5) Toaster (recommendation: Toshiba Oven Toaster HTR-11505; $59 [oops! kinda expensive eh?)
http://www.cp.toshiba.com.sg/__48256BAC0062814D.nsf/webDocuments/TSPS-5XCD3T
6) Novel by Wally Lamb titled She's come undone
7) Burberry london fragrance or Burberry brit perfume (this choice is taken)
8) Tannlines bikini (this choice is taken)
www.tannlines.com
9) Mini metallic musical box (from far east plaza i think level 3; $18.90)
10) 'Risk' board game
11) A pair of nike sport shoes (any acg; all condition gear)
12) Smurf …

*nice day out*

Image
and so it is...
just like you said it would be...
life goes easy on me...
most of the time...

~

and so it is...
there goes my life...
without you...

~

i often find myself in another world dreaming of what could have been...
it's all empty wishes...
i want to see you again...
i know i will...
and i miss you...

~

listening to Keane - Somewhere only we know...
reminded me of the 1st time you sent me home...
i like the memory...
i think it was silly...
i like being your fool...
sigh...
i know we could have as much fun and laughter even as good friends...
but nothing can bring me back to the past...

~

what makes one happy...
was discussing this with my dearie and mr. d...
the 3 of us sat in front of the river...
what a beautiful scene...
named a couple of things...
realized not many things make me happy...
one of the 1st few things i said was no restrictions from the things i really want to do from the people i love...
something i know about myself is i'm stubborn...
a lot of times i listen to what people i care …

*mind of sand and fog*

Image
read Dan Brown's "angels and demons" while on the train to work...
apparently i was too engrossed in engaging myself in fantasy that i was 2 stations ahead of where i should've alighted...
it was not shocking because it happened before but in different situations...

~

work was as usual...
nothing occured out of the norm...
often i caught myself in between dozens of moments in the world of my own...
while the rest of the world carried on revolving around me...
my existence doesn't seem to cause anything to change...
just perhaps a very teeny weeny little bit more of O2 for other humans to breathe...
my colleague's level of work concentration was brilliant...
i felt useless...
i am not a very efficient worker...
i don't work fast...
namely a slow coach...
my engine has yet to start...
i'm shutting down...
simply blank...
where had all my energy gone to...
could it be to the brain muscles use to think about you...

~

the night before i went to swim a little...
alone...
i probab…

*sitting, waiting*

world cup without brazil anymore is just crazy madness...
i'm not a soccer fan...
and the only matches i want to catch are the ones which includes brazilian players...
why brazil you ask...
8 years ago...
i watch world cup with my dad...
we supported brazil...
i liked brazil because i think soccer's very much in their culture...
they love the game with all their heart, probably mind and soul too...

~

was at a pub and watching the game with friends...
the atmosphere aroused my fondness for alcohol...
and i haven't get drunk before...
not that i drink a lot...
but i do like the sensation it gives...

~

the last 3 survivors were ms. y aka my dearie and mr. d...
we were clearly nocturnal creatures...
we sat in front of the river and yak all the way till it was dawn...
basically, the both of them were analysing my seemingly complexed personality...
i was astonished at how much mr. d knew about me...
dearie and him literally agreed with each other over every possible comment...
i wonder...
then we chat…

*hold my hand*

Image
<-- i'll like to walk on this street with: a) my mum or dad
b) my hero
c) my future kid(s)
a) my mum or dad: a feeling i want to revive.b) my hero: i'm a happy woman!c) my future kid(s): do you feel loved my son/daughter?why am i typing all these...i so want you back in my life...partially because i sensed how much you did love me...i'm willing to be a fool for you...yet a piece of me think not...~as usual i was in a daze...for a very long time, i think i've been wearing this grey tinted sunglasses...my boss msn me today...asked me was i in or out of love...i replied, "i don't know."...then she went on telling me brg was not important...she would help me earn $$...and guys would come queuing for me...what's on my mind...love's not about cash, assets, possessions...i can't buy love...love gives me energy and motivation to strive...i feel weak when my love decides to go into his mysterious cave...i'm not a cave woman...he doesn't wants …