Pam's Blog (Life, Marriage & Parenting)

15th June 2023:  It's 2.22am and I am lying in the hospital bed. I am having an ectopic pregnancy (wherein my fertilised egg implants in my fallopian tube, not uterus so there is no chance of survival). I was sensitive to my body so I only managed to fully celebrate my long-awaited 2nd pregnancy for 2 days before I had some semblance of what was happening.  Momentarily I questioned God but after grieving somewhat satisfactorily, I was able to cling onto the characters of God and acknowledged that God allowed this to happen to me for a reason. I may not understand why, but He promised to go through this with me. During this season, I kept contemplating the story of Job - how he endured and it gave me a lot of strength. I always find it fascinating how he could say, "... Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" More than that, my preacher reminded me how much it pains God to give and take away from me.  In summary, I had a dose of methotrexate administer

It is always amazing meeting outliers. One who respectfully defies what ageing means in recent decades.  It is awesome to encounter a senior (almost twice my age) who is fitter than me. So inspiring! She embodies the example of good stewardship and living well in the last trimester of life 🧓🏻💛

Today I encountered a few situations wherein I felt blessed to be where I was. I have been actively attempting to heal from resentment towards my mother and I really feel God's hand in it. God is amazing and so good. He can do the impossible! I had the opportunity to speak Korean (though it was just a few phrases) to a Korean lady. When I was younger, I was less confident and though I really wanted to connect with a person of another race and/or foreigner I was scared. Today, I have more confidence. I hope I can learn more about the world through the various cultures and languages.

  This morning I woke up feeling slightly irritated. I have a mild sore throat (as a result of eating a piece of green chili with fish cake from the Yong Tau Fu stall yesterday) and had to change my plans for today. I am upset when I do not get to do my scheduled activities with Mendell. I shared with Nat my plan for the day which is mostly staying at home and I was frustrated that he could not understand the whole of my plan. I started to feel my body heating up (it is always a sign that I need to calm down) then I recalled a video where I learned that I can always "reset my day" and that I should not blame others for how I feel. So I manage to anchor that thought and gradually, I feel my body more at ease. Today's devotion from Our Daily Bread is indeed a message from God. Over the past few years, I have reconciled with friends and had mindset shifts and clarity on the problems in our friendships. When we chose to gather again, I realised that not only I have matured, s

31st December 2022: If I have to describe my year using a colour, it will be grey. More specifically, it is Pantone - Cool Grey 11 C. To make this colour, you need more black than white. It's like my year if I examine it carefully. I was remarking to my helper yesterday how it has been a not so good year for me, and if God had not impressed upon me along the way, I might've been reproachful. Over my adult years, I have chosen to look pass negative events and focus mostly on positive ones. However, I have learnt that in order to grow, I need to be more attuned to my emotions. Throughout the year, I have been sick multiple times. I had the Covid and then long Covid, several bouts of flu and episodes of food poisoning. There were many occasions that I had to postpone/cancel plans. My dad became seriously ill and died. It was a good death nevertheless and I am thankful for his life and where he went. There were some opportunities lost and it made me rethink about how I should spend

Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman is one of the life manuals I need other than the bible. It is a book that addresses my anxiety and what I would call my hedonistic nature. As an Enneagram Type 7, I have a constant need to feel that I am using my time well.  When I was working, there was an incessant need to keep on going and I did not mind doing the most work and going the extra mile. Before switching to being a stay-at-home mum, I started to feel like I couldn’t take the same amount of workload while suffering from mum-guilt. Eventually, I made the decision to bid farewell to what we would now consider “work” and focus on family life. You may think that I stop having the anxiety that I used to encounter on a daily basis but no, I still do. I want to be doing things with my toddler son all the time – providing outdoor experiences, sensory play at home and following certain bedtime routines. At the same time, I want to remain fit, know what is happening around the world, continue