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Showing posts from December, 2006

*vexed*

christmas is making me really nervy...
i haven't had it properly planned for more than three-quarter of the day...
i know as of 2230hrs of 25122006 would be the 1st christmas i ever spend with a someone special...
however, what are some meaningful things i could do with friend(s) for the day...
i've been meditating for many days...
friends asked and made me all the more anxious...
unable to provide a proper plan...
this made me just wanna stay at home till 2130hrs...

christmas without CHRIST is truly meaningless...
am i gonna spend christmas without CHRIST this year?
CHRIST is the reason for CHRISTmas...

i haven't had any idea why this year is similar to the previous...
emotions still unsettled...

i kept recounting the past...
whyyy?
can i make things right?
God please take control and make things seem right for You, whatever i'm experiencing...
i don't wanna drift too far apart...
i'm LOST...
i want to be back on the oasis...

i'm growing old...
i don't want to be wasting t…

*idling*

sitting on my five-wheeled desk chair with my bulging tummy, i've been idling away since the hour i got up from bed @ approximately 1300 hours. i have no plans, no dates and no motivation to do anything other than having my late lunch, listening to mostly oldies on class 95 and staring @ my computer screen, hoping that the person on my mind (POMM) would pop a hi through my msn messenger. i'm jaded. i wanted to recall my dream i had early this morning but i couldn't. the moment i realized it was a dream at my subconscious state, i wanted to write it down badly. however, my willpower was somehow not strong enough to stir my lethargic self from opening those lazy eyes of mine. i thought to myself, i haven't had bad dreams or nightmares in quite a while. i wanna record it. it must have been my unusual early sleeping time of 0530 hours. i know it was insane but i really couldn't get to sleep or my brain cells kept haunting me about having a conversation with the POMM. w…

*focal point*

it's christmas time...
a joyous season...
yet i feel hollow...
i don't know exactly what i'll be doing...
except who i'll be spending it with...

love.
a complex thing to define.
perhaps it just takes time for me to realize whether he's for me.
right now i should try with my bestest effort to treasure, appreciate and make it work.
focus on the focal point...
don't drift. and...
don't be a bitch, pam.
be nice.

*challenge me*

i'm upset.
i'm not getting my way.
i don't know what to do.
tell me i'm not gonna ruin it.
say it isn't so.