Pam's Blog (Life, Marriage & Parenting)

christmas is making me really nervy... i haven't had it properly planned for more than three-quarter of the day... i know as of 2230hrs of 25122006 would be the 1st christmas i ever spend with a someone special... however, what are some meaningful things i could do with friend(s) for the day... i've been meditating for many days... friends asked and made me all the more anxious... unable to provide a proper plan... this made me just wanna stay at home till 2130hrs... christmas without CHRIST is truly meaningless... am i gonna spend christmas without CHRIST this year? CHRIST is the reason for CHRISTmas... i haven't had any idea why this year is similar to the previous... emotions still unsettled... i kept recounting the past... whyyy? can i make things right? God please take control and make things seem right for You, whatever i'm experiencing... i don't wanna drift too far apart... i'm LOST... i want to be back on the oasis... i'm growing old... i don't ...

sitting on my five-wheeled desk chair with my bulging tummy, i've been idling away since the hour i got up from bed @ approximately 1300 hours. i have no plans, no dates and no motivation to do anything other than having my late lunch, listening to mostly oldies on class 95 and staring @ my computer screen, hoping that the person on my mind (POMM) would pop a hi through my msn messenger. i'm jaded. i wanted to recall my dream i had early this morning but i couldn't. the moment i realized it was a dream at my subconscious state, i wanted to write it down badly. however, my willpower was somehow not strong enough to stir my lethargic self from opening those lazy eyes of mine. i thought to myself, i haven't had bad dreams or nightmares in quite a while. i wanna record it. it must have been my unusual early sleeping time of 0530 hours. i know it was insane but i really couldn't get to sleep or my brain cells kept haunting me about having a conversation with the POMM. we...

it's christmas time... a joyous season... yet i feel hollow... i don't know exactly what i'll be doing... except who i'll be spending it with... love. a complex thing to define. perhaps it just takes time for me to realize whether he's for me. right now i should try with my bestest effort to treasure, appreciate and make it work. focus on the focal point... don't drift. and... don't be a bitch, pam. be nice.

i'm upset. i'm not getting my way. i don't know what to do. tell me i'm not gonna ruin it. say it isn't so.

i'm just an ordinary chinese from Singapore with 1/2 Malaysian blood. in conclusion, i'm nothing more than a ... chinese. don't doubt it.. i'm no mix.. my colleagues and strangers have been trying to guess my race.. 3 of my colleagues guessed eurasian.. a sikh told me i look 1/2 sikh, 1/2 chinese.. strangers asked me am i philipino, malaysian, indonesian, vietnamese etc.. a confusion with my identity.. i'm puzzled with their mere confusion.. all of which do not dare to speak to me in mandarin.. lol.. i'm chinese..

irritated with myself being impatient... especially someone at my house. i'm a bitch perhaps.

went to my part-time workplace to eat with xue... indeed dear cooked a large portion... does he want me to grow fat?? lol... dear came out to greet us... it was pleasant... that was definitely a respectful gesture... i really appreciate that. ~ got downstairs to get a small bottle of orange juice from 7 eleven and i tell you i was startled as i had my first sip... the juice tasted like beer and as i withdrew my lips from the straw, i could see some juice spilling out... i observed the drink and it was effervescence... i checked out the expiry date and it was printed 24/11/06... so what the hell was that? i went in to explain to the cashier and got another bottle... fortunately, it didn't tasted the same way... thank God! ~ proceed with our plans for the day and came across a cart that sold hair clips... you know my fetish for clips... soon, an exquisite clip caught my eye but it was much higher and further on the cart... i said to the fairly old man who was assisting to help me get...