Pam's Blog (Life, Marriage & Parenting)

felt like i've been floating nowhere... finally complete reading Everything is illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. i watched the movie before reading the novel itself. thought i would have a better picture of the story but it was more complex and confusing. today's my off day and somehow i would rather work. it is not as though i have no one to hang out with but more of i don't know who to chill with. i woke up really late, around 1430 feeling vexed. i don't like not planning my day ahead. i wondered should i go shopping with friends, meet another for dinner, go for cell group meeting, go library alone and be engross reading or conveniently stay at home etc... i made my decision and sent an sms. and even so, i felt like it was not what i really wanna do but i guess i get an off on friday for reason(s). was suddenly reminded of me being in the pub with my colleagues. i wanted to leave early as i don't fancy singing ktv chinese songs which sounded alien to me, not in...

ever since i became so jampack with work, my personal time became very precious. certain habits of mine magnified, probably more determined to exercise, always craving for tobasco on pizzas, ya kun kaya butter toasts, 1 glass of red wine per day and meeting up with a few of my close good friends. i can't get enough of different friends at different phase of my life, 1 presumption said it was due to their availability. that might be true but the friend i most look forward to meeting currently is not conveniently available. so whenever we meet, i really cherish the time. sometimes i can have an overdose of something. luckily i'm disciplined enough to control my intake. just like the friends i'm comfortable with, i can't get enough of them. addicted. alrighty, gotta grab some sleep. ZzzzzzZzzzzz...

went for a pretty long walk instantly upon reaching home from work. thought i strolled/jogged for at least 45 - 60 mins in the park and in the dark. i just kept walking, can't seem to get enough of it. like it's the only thing left to do. a lot of scenes from the past repeatedly played in my head. only a particular song from my mp3 was selected for almost the whole mono cycle. it was who knew by pink. it was insatiable. i thought about how the lyrics relate to me. about the past. made me melancholy. i just kept on dwelling and blamed myself for feeling that way after such a long period. must be the song. triggered me to think of the heartache i once experienced. dammit. i thought about what someone has done and said recently. and f**k i just can't get it off my mind. i'm infatuated by the thought. please get away from my mind. i seriously have no idea how to deal with it. i'm afraid i'll just explode. i still think... must be the damn song.

you purchased an ugly pair of trousers and contemplated whether you would wear it after the initial few times. you look back and thought about the follies you were in for. you murmured, "i wish it never happened." truth is, it did. if you want to do it, then do it right. a foresight of an unmistakable mistake, avoid it otherwise play along and don't regret. when you miss someone and am being missed by that person, what amazing telepathy. sometimes i tried to reason to myself like an awaken drunkard saying, "i did that because i wasn't sober." was it true? question yourself. pride prevents light from shining through. to be transparent. because truth often hurts. manipulation, well i allow. just that i would not trust again.

not feeling glum lately and i've been working a lot... capability of manufacturing Z's is almost immediate once i touch the bed... generally speaking, working has been my life for the past 3 weeks... ~ met mr. d and spent looong hours chatting, doing and guessing silly stuffs... i'm cleverer ... wahaha... gonna miss him when he goes army... hope nothing changes him in the negative manner... this is life... a little less adventurous yet contented... all i need is just a few people playing major roles in my life... numbers do not magnify anything about me... sometimes i feel like an alien... finding an ally might not be easy at all... i'm not afraid of loneliness... in fact i might feel even more at ease being alone than being with a crowd i don't click well... but on good days, i'll try to fit in... maybe afterall it's my perception... result: i'll get 1 or 2 consolation.. ~ sometimes i think the way people treat maids is simply horrendous... i know i sho...