Skip to main content

*floating*

felt like i've been floating nowhere... finally complete reading Everything is illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. i watched the movie before reading the novel itself. thought i would have a better picture of the story but it was more complex and confusing. today's my off day and somehow i would rather work. it is not as though i have no one to hang out with but more of i don't know who to chill with. i woke up really late, around 1430 feeling vexed. i don't like not planning my day ahead. i wondered should i go shopping with friends, meet another for dinner, go for cell group meeting, go library alone and be engross reading or conveniently stay at home etc... i made my decision and sent an sms. and even so, i felt like it was not what i really wanna do but i guess i get an off on friday for reason(s). was suddenly reminded of me being in the pub with my colleagues. i wanted to leave early as i don't fancy singing ktv chinese songs which sounded alien to me, not in the mood for poker, tiger's not my mug of alcohol and chatting seemed much more energy consuming with noise all around. my manager persuaded me with lots of joking but i remained persistent. eventually, he said to me and others, "rang ta zhou ba." i felt like an unwilling hand has just set me free... why do i mention this? well, as i think back... i normally get my way. if i don't, i get frustrated. yes, people would try to stop me but when they stop trying to stop me, mostly abruptly, i would feel empty and a tinge of sorrow.

i don't usually say it but i feel lonely. i feel lonely because though i think my life is in order, i feel that i lack something. i know i'm starting to sound a little needy. i don't care. what i really want now is to be settled with my soul mate. plan our lives together, have children, be happy, that's it. i wanna be a woman with career and a part-time tai tai. i'm sounding so blunt.

was reminded of a debate in which the other party argued that women are only good for producing babies. i fought with my strong opinions. i won't deny that men are generally cleverer (which was proven by science) but there are so many things which female are more capable of. saying this i don't mean that men are not capable in certain areas but score lower.

met up with my best friend on 2 days this week. felt like i am usually the one who fails her. mooncake festival's coming. it's the occasion for she and i. yeah!

christmas is about 3 months away. i'm starting to think about the festival again. christmas is the season of the year for me. i have always look forward to it. it is THE season i wanna spend with my special someone. it has been 20 years now. i have NEVER spend it with a significant someone. i'm dying to spend it with a someone special. i wonder what has gotten into me. i'm so frank.

rounding up my entry, i'm not desperately looking for the special someone (hope he just spring out) but i guess this year's christmas would be similar to the past 20 years. you know what? it's not so bad after all... with family and friends around you. just a self-pitying me wishing for more. just a little more love. ;p

Comments

27hcram said…
Hey gal don't sound so sad lei...you're doing great and you're never alone. You still got your friends around you and God will never leave you too...lol You can always look for me too ya? :P Haha...and if you like you can always come to my church xmas service too to feel the love here...I'll always be around if you need ya...just drop me a msg will do...take care & God bless! *hugz* :)
Sunday, October 1, 2006 at 1:56:00 AM GMT+8
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Acquaintances with Benefits

When I was young (in upper primary), my birthday wishes were similar.  It was to have many friends.  That could be due to the fact that I am an only child and may feel lonely at times.  Thanks to my best friends (you know who you are), I seldom feel lonely.  I can easily identify who my best friends are.  They are people I would ask for opinions on important decisions I have to make, meet relatively regularly (at least bimonthly, quarterly) for chit-chat and my life would have been very different without them. According to Robin Dunbar , in order to maintain stable social relationships where an individual knows who each person is, and how each person relates to every other person.  Friends are essentially different from acquaintances.  Acquaintances are typically: #1. People whom you may have only met a few times at an event/function; #2. Classmates/schoolmates/coursemates you have encountered casually; #...
Post a Comment
Read more

Grandfather Lee: YOUR vision, not mine!

Mr Lee (Kuan Yew) is a well-respected figure in my family.  I shall take a picture of the biographies my parents have religiously bought some other day (maybe I should contribute by purchasing Hard Truths just to complete the collection).  Anyone who studied Singapore history would respect him in some way or another.  However, lately grandfather Lee seemed to be revealing his true self and not bothering much about how the current generation thinks about our society. Here is an article from New Nation, an online magazine I read. Former MM Lee Kuan Yew: The Singapore vision is your vision, not my vision. Pam Petite
Post a Comment
Read more
I believe that a person's life experiences will largely influence how they behave & react in any given situation. I believe that I have become more optimistic nowadays. Thanks to: 1) God, 2) boyfriend & close / good friends, 3) inspirational & motivational books, These 3 things really played a huge role lately; especially this year. Personally, I am into the idea that one should eliminate anything that brings you down. I know that "eliminate" seems like a BIG word, what I'm trying to put across is, don't let anything come between you and your dreams. To being wealthy is genuinely 1 of my desire. It is the thought of being affluent & rich someday soon that keeps me going forward. In my opinion, becoming rich doesn't have to cost you anything. Meaning, you don't have to sacrifice your very precious time with your family members; neglecting what's emotionally of higher importance. I'm a believer that there's a way to strike a balan...
Post a Comment
Read more