15th June 2018

Today is Hari Raya Puasa and I've decided to blog in this space again.  The last time I wrote here was less than a year ago, and it was not exactly a proper blog entry.  I doubt people who knows me personally still comes to this space as blogging seems to be a thing of the past.  In any case, writing here is another form of helping me to understand myself better over a period of time.  I enjoy writing in my diary and keeping photographs too to remind me of important events in my life.  

I felt that I have matured tremendously in this half year.  I've learnt to deal with matters in a more composed manner than my younger self.  I've learnt to be more empathetic and think of a situation from multiple perspectives.  I have become more resilient as my tolerance threshold used to be lower.  The people I have met in recent years helped me to understand different things.  Moreover, as a grown-up listening to advice from my parents felt very different.  I started to understand why things are the way they are, and how to change to be a better version of myself.    

About 2 years ago, I attended a workshop about Enneagram Type.  I was intrigued by the results as I find that it is the most accurate personality test I have ever done.  It helped to answer a lot of questions I had about myself, such as why am I incessantly starting new projects when I have not finished a project, why do I feel deprived when I miss out on certain things etc.  This personality test has helped me a lot in my personal development.  Because of this workshop, I found a coach to give me guidance on my work personality.  I discovered that I am not very good at managing stress, and stress comes in different forms.  It may be about handling relationships, workload and people management.  I have not found a balance yet but I know where to seek help.  My support group consists of my family, Pastor Teo and my good friends.  

Over the longest time in my life, I have been asking myself and even asking God what is it that I am meant to do with my life.  I don't know whether anyone else like me is frequently bothered by this question.  There is this show on Netflix that is called "Chef's Table", many of the chefs in the show inspired me.  I am awed by the kind of challenges they have overcome in their lives.  Most recently I watched the France edition and this chef by the name of Alexandre Couillon really inspired me.  After watching his episode, I had a discussion with Nat, I said, "How can I become like Alexandre?  He is so sure that he is meant to be a chef!"  Nat's reply, "There must have been a period of his life that he wasn't sure."  That response really made me think.  I think this is the season in my life that I am still trying to understand myself.  A friend that I made recently told me that it is probably because I am clouded by too many things that I am unable to have a proper vision.  She told me about the kind of things I could do to empower my team.  Since then it has been food for thought for me and I shall take action soon! 


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