My Eulogy for Happy
Today is Maundy Thursday, 2 April, 2015. Happy passed on at 15:26hrs. It will be a day I will never forget. My best friend has left this world but I believe she has gone heavenward and is waiting for us, her loved ones.
Prologue
I used to be afraid of dogs, yes, that was until my best friend, Xue Ying had her first official pet, a Pomeranian, Kiki. Although I am innately drawn to dogs, I did not dare to come in contact with them, fearing they might bite me. I vaguely remember Xue Ying telling me about Kiki and I was really excited to meet her one day in the afternoon… I think we were only 13 years old. If my memory did not fail me, I recall meeting Kiki at Xue Ying’s flat void deck. From a distance, I could see that Kiki was an active and very adorable puppy. She was walking towards me at a seemingly fast pace and I became increasingly anxious. At the spur of the moment, I told myself, “if you are going to let fear grip you and keep a distance, you will never be able to touch dogs.” I braced myself and after some encouragement from Xue Ying, I finally touched a dog the first time in my life. There aren't many first times that I remember but my best friend helped me to overcome my fear.
Ever since that day, I remember going to my best friend’s flat to see Kiki a few other times. I began to develop a desire to have my very own dog because I can see and feel the joy of having one in the house. Dogs just literally light up the dark. I began to pester my folks frequently and even recorded it in my diary as my #1 wish. I often daydream about walking around the neighbourhood with my dog and get the sense that I am living in a very happy and perfect world because I have my greatest wish fulfilled.
On a Monday, 11 June, 2001, my parents suddenly brought me to a pet shop. They had told me previously that they would let me have a chinchilla but not a dog so I walked in having little expectation. I scanned around the shop and 2 Jack Russell Terrier puppies caught my eye. Both of them had very prominent patches. One of them had white and light brown patches and the other was tricolour – white, black and brown. Instinctly, the tricolour pup stood out but I caught sight of a small wound on the forehead of the white and brown pup. The pet shop personnel told me that the tricolour pup had accidentally scratched him/her while playing and I said I would like to have a look at the poor little fellow. When I was handed the white and brown pup, his/her eyes diverted and it seemed like I wasn’t the owner the pup was waiting for. So I decided to take a look at the “bully” and to my surprise, she was very excited when I carried her. There was a look of “I wanna go home with you” and instantly, I fell in love with this little pup. This “bully” tricolour puppy was Happy.
“Dialogue”
My years with Happy were years of happiness. My life would have a very different narrative if she did not enter my life. I was 15 and Happy was 3 months. Her first night in my room was an uneasy one for her. It was an unfamiliar environment and the pet shop personnel had advised her to be kept in the cage as she was too young and to minimise danger to her life. That first night I was excited and couldn’t sleep and probably she was the same too. She whined non-stop in the cage. Eventually, I opened the cage and let her out. The moment she was let out, she ran up and down the hall. It was a joy to watch her. Full of energy and embracing her new life with us. My folks and I laughed as she tried to halt to a stop from her shuttle run.
Then there was one evening when I was ironing my clothes and Happy sat directly under the iron board. That made me feel really special because it was a sign that my puppy loved me. Birthdays were made of pictures with me carrying Happy in my arms, every year without fail. Interestingly, she would also bark when she sees me preparing the candles or sorts. Birthdays were always happy because Happy was there.
As time goes by, my father became the main person taking care of her. The feeding, the bathing and the daily strolls. It was never a decline in my interest of Happy but upon reflection, it could be a stage of my life that I have multiple things to attend to. I sometimes did the strolls and much less frequently the baths. The walks have always been a joy. Nat can attest to it. The moment someone holds on to her leash, she would rush and pounce on the person at his/her knee. Her tail would wag uncontrollably and there was this look of euphoria as you tried to calm her down as you clip on the harness together with the leash. Baths are never dull. Happy would attempt to hide when she hears the phrase, “pom pom”. She would hide under a furniture, table, sofa etc, hoping you would not catch her. After the bath, somehow she would be “possessed” by an even more active spirit. She would run around the hall with the towel in her mouth. I used to be really amused by this and played tug of war with her towel.
Happy also used to have this rubbery toy that she loved to play. It was in the shape of a bone. Basically, she would bring me the toy and smack it against my lower thigh. I would then attempt to snatch it from her mouth (which was very difficult as she was swift). Sometimes, when I tried to snatch the toy while she was still biting on to it tightly, I actually lifted her a few inches from the ground. Other times when I managed to snatch her toy, I would throw it in a direction or try to fake my actions. She was fun to play with and I knew she enjoyed such games.
On a daily basis, I am happy whenever I return home because Happy would usually be at the gate, waiting for me, or she would be awaken by the sound of my keys. Home was always home because Happy is there for me.
Epilogue
Since the age of 10, I tried to bring Happy for a regular checkup. There was a liver condition she was mildly suffering from and could be treated with medication and change in diet.
This is the part that tears my heart away, in fact I am finding it very difficult to put into words what to say here. In late 2013, Happy’s liver condition has affected her health increasingly and I remember crying while at work. I asked God, “how am I going to have a happy marriage if Happy were to leave me before my wedding?” I attempted to spend more time with her by waking up earlier on some days to walk with her and Dad. Days like these were some of my best life moments, just pure contentment. Somehow her condition seemed to have stabilised, though physically, I knew she was not the same.
2014, I was married and moved out. Times with her became more and more precious. I moved to my folks’ flat once for about a month and many nights Happy would sleep in my mattress with me. To hold her next to me, the warmth of her body and her presence is something I would never forget – the love an animal could offer. In the third-quarter, she needed to rely on intravenous drips and I had to administer to her on every alternate day. She became weaker and weaker. Her once lively tail ceased to wag and she had more and more problems relating to her skin and ears. This is the end stage.
January – March 2015, Happy started to knock into furniture and pressed her head against dark corners. We did some research and thought it was just a usual case of dementia or aging. Until one day, I decided to bring her to the vet again as I felt that her issues had worsen. The vet, told us that she had ceased to see and her liver failure has affected her greatly and she was mainly sustaining on the drips that I administered. The next day, my Mum came home from work and found her front legs stuck to a foldable chair and her tongue was sticking out. Seeing this, my Mum phoned me and we rushed her to the vet. Vet told us that likely legions have moved from her brain up to her upper spine. Happy was paralysed. I decided to ward her in the clinic for a night. While carrying her, I teared continuously and Nat caught sight of a tear on Happy's left eye in which we wiped it away. Tough decisions have to be made.
This is the part that I would like to highlight to you. The vet, Dr Angeline Wong is an angel. She told me that Happy has survived beyond expectations. Happy was a fighter and she refused to leave because of her deep bond with her loved ones. Dr Wong advised me to talk to Happy and she said somehow, your pet would leave peacefully being assured. However, Happy was suffering tremendously and we need to decide what to do. The decision was left for me to make as my parents and Nat knew better not to prolong her agony. After consulting my spiritual mentor and reading up, I decided to let go but to do so on Good Friday. Arrangements were made and I was fairly mentally prepared.
Nat and I were on afternoon half day leave today. When we walked into the clinic, the vet told us she was about to ring me up. She told me things are not looking up and I needed to be prepared. I immediately went to the cage and got Happy into my arms, she was significantly weaker. The Holy Spirit must have guided me to assure her that all of us love her and if she was suffering greatly, she should leave this world and wait for us up there and I sang a few hymns to her. Suddenly, Happy seemed to want to vomit so I put her back into the cage, with the door open, I continued singing songs and finally, I read Psalm 23 to her. After a brief moment, Happy slowly opened her mouth and vomited. Her eyes also dilated. I knew from experience immediately that this could be the end. I cried and screamed hysterically into Nat’s arms. When I was asked to go into the surgery room, Happy’s brain has ceased to function but her heart was still beating. I held her close and within seconds, she was pronounced dead. Nat informed my folks, Pastor Rita and my best friends and did all the administrative stuff with a broken heart. I didn’t know it was pouring heavily and indeed, the weather was a reflection of my devastated mood. My folks came in and for the record, I have never seen my Dad and Mum that sad before, never. Both of them said very meaningful and heartwarming words of assurance to Happy. Pastor Rita was there to administer a short order of service. Interestingly, the scripture she has chosen was Psalm 23.
Happy has taught me a lot and made me a better person and will forever stay in our hearts.
What’s next? Cremation will be on Saturday evening.
Before we left, Dr Wong said Happy must have really loved me as she also couldn’t bear to see me needing to make any tough decisions.
I thanked Dr Wong and her staff’s support throughout the whole process. We were indeed blessed to have her give us sound advise and everything we needed.
This episode of losing a loved one has indeed strengthen my faith in God as I have witnessed a few miracles performed on Happy. My folks are very important to me and I want to be a better daughter. My husband is my pillar of support and always my shoulder to cry on. My spiritual mentors are there to guide me. I have the help and advise of good doctors and nurses and last but not least, to those of you who have cared for me, I am truly grateful.
From the Prayer of Committal
“Lord, we thank you for the life of Happy. We now commit her to you. From our limited love, we commit her to Your limitless love.
We release her to You, trusting that You will do the best for her – over and beyond what we can imagine.
We ask that we may meet again before Your throne of glory, one day, in celebrative joy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Today is Maundy Thursday, 2 April, 2015. Happy passed on at 15:26hrs. It will be a day I will never forget. My best friend has left this world but I believe she has gone heavenward and is waiting for us, her loved ones.
Prologue
I used to be afraid of dogs, yes, that was until my best friend, Xue Ying had her first official pet, a Pomeranian, Kiki. Although I am innately drawn to dogs, I did not dare to come in contact with them, fearing they might bite me. I vaguely remember Xue Ying telling me about Kiki and I was really excited to meet her one day in the afternoon… I think we were only 13 years old. If my memory did not fail me, I recall meeting Kiki at Xue Ying’s flat void deck. From a distance, I could see that Kiki was an active and very adorable puppy. She was walking towards me at a seemingly fast pace and I became increasingly anxious. At the spur of the moment, I told myself, “if you are going to let fear grip you and keep a distance, you will never be able to touch dogs.” I braced myself and after some encouragement from Xue Ying, I finally touched a dog the first time in my life. There aren't many first times that I remember but my best friend helped me to overcome my fear.
Ever since that day, I remember going to my best friend’s flat to see Kiki a few other times. I began to develop a desire to have my very own dog because I can see and feel the joy of having one in the house. Dogs just literally light up the dark. I began to pester my folks frequently and even recorded it in my diary as my #1 wish. I often daydream about walking around the neighbourhood with my dog and get the sense that I am living in a very happy and perfect world because I have my greatest wish fulfilled.
On a Monday, 11 June, 2001, my parents suddenly brought me to a pet shop. They had told me previously that they would let me have a chinchilla but not a dog so I walked in having little expectation. I scanned around the shop and 2 Jack Russell Terrier puppies caught my eye. Both of them had very prominent patches. One of them had white and light brown patches and the other was tricolour – white, black and brown. Instinctly, the tricolour pup stood out but I caught sight of a small wound on the forehead of the white and brown pup. The pet shop personnel told me that the tricolour pup had accidentally scratched him/her while playing and I said I would like to have a look at the poor little fellow. When I was handed the white and brown pup, his/her eyes diverted and it seemed like I wasn’t the owner the pup was waiting for. So I decided to take a look at the “bully” and to my surprise, she was very excited when I carried her. There was a look of “I wanna go home with you” and instantly, I fell in love with this little pup. This “bully” tricolour puppy was Happy.
“Dialogue”
My years with Happy were years of happiness. My life would have a very different narrative if she did not enter my life. I was 15 and Happy was 3 months. Her first night in my room was an uneasy one for her. It was an unfamiliar environment and the pet shop personnel had advised her to be kept in the cage as she was too young and to minimise danger to her life. That first night I was excited and couldn’t sleep and probably she was the same too. She whined non-stop in the cage. Eventually, I opened the cage and let her out. The moment she was let out, she ran up and down the hall. It was a joy to watch her. Full of energy and embracing her new life with us. My folks and I laughed as she tried to halt to a stop from her shuttle run.
Then there was one evening when I was ironing my clothes and Happy sat directly under the iron board. That made me feel really special because it was a sign that my puppy loved me. Birthdays were made of pictures with me carrying Happy in my arms, every year without fail. Interestingly, she would also bark when she sees me preparing the candles or sorts. Birthdays were always happy because Happy was there.
As time goes by, my father became the main person taking care of her. The feeding, the bathing and the daily strolls. It was never a decline in my interest of Happy but upon reflection, it could be a stage of my life that I have multiple things to attend to. I sometimes did the strolls and much less frequently the baths. The walks have always been a joy. Nat can attest to it. The moment someone holds on to her leash, she would rush and pounce on the person at his/her knee. Her tail would wag uncontrollably and there was this look of euphoria as you tried to calm her down as you clip on the harness together with the leash. Baths are never dull. Happy would attempt to hide when she hears the phrase, “pom pom”. She would hide under a furniture, table, sofa etc, hoping you would not catch her. After the bath, somehow she would be “possessed” by an even more active spirit. She would run around the hall with the towel in her mouth. I used to be really amused by this and played tug of war with her towel.
Happy also used to have this rubbery toy that she loved to play. It was in the shape of a bone. Basically, she would bring me the toy and smack it against my lower thigh. I would then attempt to snatch it from her mouth (which was very difficult as she was swift). Sometimes, when I tried to snatch the toy while she was still biting on to it tightly, I actually lifted her a few inches from the ground. Other times when I managed to snatch her toy, I would throw it in a direction or try to fake my actions. She was fun to play with and I knew she enjoyed such games.
On a daily basis, I am happy whenever I return home because Happy would usually be at the gate, waiting for me, or she would be awaken by the sound of my keys. Home was always home because Happy is there for me.
Epilogue
Since the age of 10, I tried to bring Happy for a regular checkup. There was a liver condition she was mildly suffering from and could be treated with medication and change in diet.
This is the part that tears my heart away, in fact I am finding it very difficult to put into words what to say here. In late 2013, Happy’s liver condition has affected her health increasingly and I remember crying while at work. I asked God, “how am I going to have a happy marriage if Happy were to leave me before my wedding?” I attempted to spend more time with her by waking up earlier on some days to walk with her and Dad. Days like these were some of my best life moments, just pure contentment. Somehow her condition seemed to have stabilised, though physically, I knew she was not the same.
2014, I was married and moved out. Times with her became more and more precious. I moved to my folks’ flat once for about a month and many nights Happy would sleep in my mattress with me. To hold her next to me, the warmth of her body and her presence is something I would never forget – the love an animal could offer. In the third-quarter, she needed to rely on intravenous drips and I had to administer to her on every alternate day. She became weaker and weaker. Her once lively tail ceased to wag and she had more and more problems relating to her skin and ears. This is the end stage.
January – March 2015, Happy started to knock into furniture and pressed her head against dark corners. We did some research and thought it was just a usual case of dementia or aging. Until one day, I decided to bring her to the vet again as I felt that her issues had worsen. The vet, told us that she had ceased to see and her liver failure has affected her greatly and she was mainly sustaining on the drips that I administered. The next day, my Mum came home from work and found her front legs stuck to a foldable chair and her tongue was sticking out. Seeing this, my Mum phoned me and we rushed her to the vet. Vet told us that likely legions have moved from her brain up to her upper spine. Happy was paralysed. I decided to ward her in the clinic for a night. While carrying her, I teared continuously and Nat caught sight of a tear on Happy's left eye in which we wiped it away. Tough decisions have to be made.
This is the part that I would like to highlight to you. The vet, Dr Angeline Wong is an angel. She told me that Happy has survived beyond expectations. Happy was a fighter and she refused to leave because of her deep bond with her loved ones. Dr Wong advised me to talk to Happy and she said somehow, your pet would leave peacefully being assured. However, Happy was suffering tremendously and we need to decide what to do. The decision was left for me to make as my parents and Nat knew better not to prolong her agony. After consulting my spiritual mentor and reading up, I decided to let go but to do so on Good Friday. Arrangements were made and I was fairly mentally prepared.
Nat and I were on afternoon half day leave today. When we walked into the clinic, the vet told us she was about to ring me up. She told me things are not looking up and I needed to be prepared. I immediately went to the cage and got Happy into my arms, she was significantly weaker. The Holy Spirit must have guided me to assure her that all of us love her and if she was suffering greatly, she should leave this world and wait for us up there and I sang a few hymns to her. Suddenly, Happy seemed to want to vomit so I put her back into the cage, with the door open, I continued singing songs and finally, I read Psalm 23 to her. After a brief moment, Happy slowly opened her mouth and vomited. Her eyes also dilated. I knew from experience immediately that this could be the end. I cried and screamed hysterically into Nat’s arms. When I was asked to go into the surgery room, Happy’s brain has ceased to function but her heart was still beating. I held her close and within seconds, she was pronounced dead. Nat informed my folks, Pastor Rita and my best friends and did all the administrative stuff with a broken heart. I didn’t know it was pouring heavily and indeed, the weather was a reflection of my devastated mood. My folks came in and for the record, I have never seen my Dad and Mum that sad before, never. Both of them said very meaningful and heartwarming words of assurance to Happy. Pastor Rita was there to administer a short order of service. Interestingly, the scripture she has chosen was Psalm 23.
Happy has taught me a lot and made me a better person and will forever stay in our hearts.
What’s next? Cremation will be on Saturday evening.
Before we left, Dr Wong said Happy must have really loved me as she also couldn’t bear to see me needing to make any tough decisions.
I thanked Dr Wong and her staff’s support throughout the whole process. We were indeed blessed to have her give us sound advise and everything we needed.
This episode of losing a loved one has indeed strengthen my faith in God as I have witnessed a few miracles performed on Happy. My folks are very important to me and I want to be a better daughter. My husband is my pillar of support and always my shoulder to cry on. My spiritual mentors are there to guide me. I have the help and advise of good doctors and nurses and last but not least, to those of you who have cared for me, I am truly grateful.
From the Prayer of Committal
“Lord, we thank you for the life of Happy. We now commit her to you. From our limited love, we commit her to Your limitless love.
We release her to You, trusting that You will do the best for her – over and beyond what we can imagine.
We ask that we may meet again before Your throne of glory, one day, in celebrative joy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
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