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After sometime, this is my first entry for 2015.

Hi there,

I have been away from this blog for sometime but this space is too important for me to completely leave it to die.  I am not even sure how many people are still reading what I write, to begin with, I don't think I really have an audience.  For me, to record one's thoughts and emotions whether online, on the cellphone device, in the physical diary or some scribbling on some random paper is essential or some great ideas would fleet away.  

They say, "Change is the only constant" and time has proved to me that this is correct.  I have changed in some ways if you know me personally.  Let's begin from the more superficial aspect. 

1. I have "slimmed down" and maintained my weight not far from my own ideal.

I wish I could say I worked out a lot more than I used to but this is not the reality.  For friends who have known me for sometime and for people who have not seen me for a while, I have become smaller in size.  This is the result of the combination of IBS, mindful eating, constant weight monitoring and having plentiful opportunities to walk due to my current job.  I am however trying to find time to do more exercise.

Now, to the not so superficial stuff...

2. I have become more aware of the important things of my life.

After getting married, for some reason, I felt like I have grown a little bit more.  I become more appreciative of my parents, though my attitude still have to be in check most of the time.  I begin to pay closer attention to my existence.  Why am I here for?  I have known the reason for sometime but have I been leading a purpose-driven life?  I learnt that I should be more God-centered and others-centered and this is my goal for this year.  I became really thankful for the blessings that God has bestow unto me.  My dog, Happy still being alive is indeed a joyous miracle.  I have also realized that being married is very different from being single (including the stage where I was attached).  I can't just make any decisions without considering how it would impact Nat.  I find that if I want to maintain good relationships with my friends, I need to work on it.  The need to prioritize the things in life.  I also think that before I turn 30, it is time for me to let go of certain memories in the past.  Not because they are not valuable but because they limit my growth.  I have also learnt that at every stage of my life, whether good or bad, there is always something I can learn from it.  I just want to give thanks to God that I am still alive and being able to comprehend that a lot of things are impossible without Him.

3. I want to contribute to society.

I am contented with my job as a Befriender Executive now at Lions Befrienders Service Association.  I am privileged to serve the lonely seniors and also I am honoured to be given the opportunity to empower and support my volunteers.  I do not know what will happen tomorrow but I know God will lead me with His loving hands.

4. I am more open.

I have joined Bedok Toastmasters as a member and I have been growing.  I love public speaking and I have learnt a lot from others on  how to lead.  I desire to be more and more like Jesus and would like to be a good servant-leader.

5. I may not be that sentimental but I do care.

Circumstances and time and has shaped me to be who I am today.  I believe that I will still change - I am still imperfect (only God is perfect).  Do I love myself?  To a certain extent, yes.  If I were to get to know myself from another person's perspective, would I say that I like myself?  I don't know.  I hope that I am better than the me yesterday but as for my nature, my mood and attitude fluctuates and there's no way for it to be a constant.  However, there are some things that can be cultivated by being a active practitioner.  For example, I can become more disciplined.  I am now early for work for sometime.  Unlike my old self, perhaps 2 years ago, I was frequently late for work.  I have been trying to build my character and wanting to be a better person.  Certain memories of the past still flashed across my mind once in a while.  I have chosen to forget some and retain some.  Friends whom I care are still my friends but I guess once you grow older, everybody moves at a slightly different pace.

6. I have learnt a lot from what I studied.

Currently I am studying the modernists.  I enjoy this module a lot because it opens my mind.  It kind of tells me that writing can be non-restrictive and you can freely express yourself.  I am glad I have chosen to study English because though it may not contribute directly to my job now, it helps me learn more about the world around me.

I hope to write in this space more often and I thank you for reading it.

Love,
Pam

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