Dear Blog,
A lot of things has been happening in my life lately, more so spiritually and emotionally. I am not sure if I have changed but one thing is for sure -- I love Jesus more and more. The Lord's sovereign hand has been upon me and my loved ones. God is so good that I am so afraid that one day if I am not careful, I will forget all the good things He has done for me. Psalm 103:2 (NLT) says, "Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me." I am not sure if it has to do with the use of technology but I find myself quite lazy when penning down my thoughts in my physical diary. I remember a brother sharing about writing down what the Lord has done for him, lest he forgets the goodness of the Lord. If my memory does not fail me, he said that his mother has Alzheimer's disease and he was afraid that if one day he had this disease, he may not remember God's word. This sharing motivated me to write about some good things that the Lord has done for me.
Having not been spiritually stable for about a decade, I am now regaining a little more stability. Thanks be to God for His grace and mercy. Currently I am attending church regularly and want to continue to grow in His love and word. The one thing I always find it very hard to do as a Christian is to love my enemies. In Matthew 5:44 (NLT) Jesus said, "But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!" As a mortal, I need the strength and wisdom from God to not hold on to grudges but to pray for people who are my so called "enemies". Lately, a lot of matters have been prompting me to think about these two qualities -- mercy and justice, which one do I value more? Without putting much thought to it, my answer would be justice. Do I think I am righteous? Far from it, I am a sinner. I may not have committed crimes such as, arson, murder etc but that does not make me a better person than any other person. I have read about this case in the news where a Japanese lady was tortured and then gang raped and eventually died. The offenders got away easy. I remember it was not a life sentence for all and at this moment while typing this, I still feel angry for the victim and her family. You see if I were a close one of this lady, I would have wish for the death of the rapists and his accomplices. But is this what God wants me to feel and do? Yes, it is difficult to forgive but it's only through forgiveness that we can set others and ourselves free. Holding on to grudges and vengeance does not make us any better. Now on to mercy, I remember watching a video long ago about this man who committed arson (can't confirm if this is correct) and a counsellor (not sure if this is correct again) visited him in prison and later he found out that this so called counsellor was the relative of the dead victim(s). The counsellor forgave the man and once he received forgiveness, he began to understand the indescribable love of God and when he was sent for death execution, he was not a tinge afraid because he knows who God is and He is the One who loves and forgives all our sins. I was extremely touched when I watched it. At this point, I want to draw congruence to the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. I think it's a really great feeling to be forgiven and forgiveness only comes from the Lord alone. With human effort, it is very difficult or even impossible to do.
With my current experiences in life, I am not sure if I have it within me to be a forgiving person. I know I am far from being righteous and at the same time, I do not want to disobey God. At times when I see people doing evil things, I wonder should I try to do something about it or should I leave it entirely to God. Like I said to a brother, I believe fully in God's sovereignty and never will I try to be God. Sometimes, I wonder if God gives me a burden in my heart, should I act on it. The Holy Spirit really has to guide me in discerning the things of the Lord because I really do not want to displease God.
I think there's a lot of dangers in this life, when I see supposedly faithful Christians falling, I feel really sad. This leads me to think about where I would be when I am old. Will I be faithful or will I lose faith? "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Acts 20:24 (NLT) But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus -- the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. Yes, to do the work of the Lord is very important. For every action, every word and every thought that I have, if I do not glorify God, it is nothing.
Love,
Pam
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