As I sit here anxiously trying to study, my thoughts wandered as I thought of the video clip that my friend posted on Facebook. It is a clip off the movie, “Up in the air” where a corporate “downsizer”, played by George Clooney fires people for a living. I have actually watched the movie and remember enjoying it but have no recollection of the gist of the plot. In the clip his character asked a bald-headed man, “how much did they first pay you to give up on your dream?”
Everyone of us has a dream as a child of what we want to be when we grow up. My first ambition was to be a singer for many years until I grew up a little and I wanted to be a psychologist, and I grew up a little more and I wanted to be a veterinarian. As I age up, I don't know what I want to be anymore. That's why I really admire people who knew what they want early in their lives and are able to pursue their dreams, because they knew what are their strengths and weaknesses and how to apply it in their area of expertise.
I saw a comment by someone online which read, “not everybody can follow their dreams, most of us live in the real world.” That is true as well. Not many of us dream to be a janitor or a clerk or a newspaper deliverer. Majority of us just have to take whatever opportunities there are available with the limited strengths or talent(s) we have. Having said above that I admire people who discovered more about themselves early in their lives, I also admire people who eventually realise what they want and take action to pursue it. One of my best friends recently came to realise what would make her career life a more meaningful journey and just proceeded to seek opportunity in that area. I believe it is usually not easy to follow your dreams and sometimes you don't reap what you sow but at least you can say, I tried my best.
So I ask myself again, what is my dream? Do I have one now? Why am I studying part-time still? The answer is a simple, “I don't know.” I have been asking myself what I want to achieve these few years and the answer kept differing. First it was that I want to have a small business but now I am really uncertain. As of what I have today in terms of job and love life, I can say I am more than contented. I like my job and I will marry the person I love. Though I like my job, I am not sure if this is what I will be doing for many many years. The difference between how I imagine life would be when I was young compared to now is very different. I used to think I want to be very successful but success now has a different meaning and appearance to me. Success used to be an independent business woman in a power suit who does not need to rely on anybody for what she wants, now it could still kind of be the same but perhaps a business woman in a power suit with close family ties. Success is a homemaker who educates her children's formative years and sees to her family's needs. Success is the construction worker who works hard and provides some income for his/her family. Success is an administrative assistant who gains knowledge through his/her work to make others' (and his/her own) work more efficient. I believe this is a season of my life that I do not have a definitive ambition and I often find myself having internal monologues and searching for some deeper meaning to what I am doing and what I want to do. But I really think it is a good thing to have this longing to find out what is God's will for me. For now, I will just do my best and God will do the rest.
If you have a dream, pursue it. Even if it means doing it on a very small scale or just for a minute. Don't regret having not done anything about it. :)
If you have a dream, pursue it. Even if it means doing it on a very small scale or just for a minute. Don't regret having not done anything about it. :)
Love,
Pam
Comments