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It's November Already!

Time really flies and it's November already!

This will be a very hectic month:-

1) Marriage preparation;
2) Devotion sharings at work; and
3) Revision & Examinations.

This morning I woke up feeling anxious.  I thought about the things I need to do and a huge part of me wish that I can avoid doing all the preparation work.  I mulled over the events of the past few months and started to excogitate.  I believe that by thinking deeply and examining what was done will somehow help me to progress.

~

Marriage preparation

Currently, I would say that Nat and I are right on track for our wedding.  There are certainly several items on the agenda that are still pending.  As the big day draws nearer, I begin to increase my self-examination.  I look at myself and wonder what can I do to make myself a better person.  I know for sure that if I rely on my own strength, I will not be able to do what I ought to.  Only God will be able to do the impossible.  Though I acknowledge that nobody is perfect, I will still try my best to do what I'm called to do.

I take marriage and marriage vows very seriously.  I believe that marriage is about commitment and unconditional love.  Though I have not been tested on my degree of love, I know it is very difficult to love another person unconditionally.  To love another person unconditionally to me is to continue loving him/her despite, having differences in opinions that matter, being cheated on, when the person has nothing to offer (depending on what matters to you most) etcetera.  

The marriage vow is also very sacred to me.  Once I say the words of the vow on my wedding day, I must mean it.  Though it is going to be very challenging to fulfill, I will try my best with God's strength.  Just like the other pledges I have made; to cease consumption of shark fin soup (no matter authentic or mock, as long as it is stated shark fin soup) and more recently, to cease consumption of beef, I take them seriously and will not budge no matter what circumstances I am placed in.  I believe that when you believe in something, your actions have to follow accordingly.

Last but not least, when I think of my marriage to Nat, I think of not only him but his family and our own nucleus family in the future.  I am grateful for my parents and how they have nurtured me all these years to be what I am today.  To be Nat's wife, his mother's daughter-in-law, a part of his family and a mother of our children (if it is in God's plan), I need to be better than who I am now.  When I reflect on the times that I am impatient, being angered easily etcetera, I cringed and thought if I don't change for the better, I don't know how my own children will be like in the future.

~

Devotion sharing at work

This is something that I am called to do at work but feel that I am unworthy to do so.  Nonetheless, I thank God for the opportunities.

~

Revision & Examinations

To begin, I am not a person who enjoys studying for tests/examinations.  Yes, I like learning new things but not under the pressure of being tested.  However, I believe that tests/examinations have sometimes helped me to remember important information about the subject.  It also gives me satisfaction if I do well for my papers.  The fact is, I will not be depressed if I do not do well.  It is not that I have low expectations of my academic abilities but I don't think failing a paper makes me a lower being or less worthy in any areas of my life.  It'll just remind me that I have to be more focused or that I have to do more research to understand the subject better.

To conclude, I look at the goals I have set for this year.  I have set 10 of them and have made some progress.  Hopefully by 31st December 2013 when I revisit the list, I can strike off a few items.

Love,
Pam

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