pretty emo today. woke up later than usual. the night before was bittersweet. dine with my parents & their friends and drank mixed beer again. i could be a potential alcoholic if i am careless. had a telephone conversation with a someone after a long while. felt that i'm some mad bitch. the chit-chat session just made me realise that i'm probably taking the person for granted. i'm sorry, i don't really know what to do with myself. i made too many mistakes.
as per normal, i read my novel on the train. with just a few chapters, i'm already addicted to Oscar Wilde. (yes, i have to say that again) i think i am too engrossed in my reading that i always feel how the characters feel. in this writing, i think my idol has position the plot in such a way that i have unknowingly, subconsciously taken in the perspective that staying too loyal / faithful will just hurt you in a brutal manner. personally, i'm struggling hard not to absorb this unhealthy viewpoint. but somehow, i automatically agreed and i'm sorry that such unwholesome teaching has been sort of imparted to me, accidentally.
stating the above, i'm not meaning to say that i want to uphold infidelity. what i'm trying to say is, i shan't give my heart easily to someone when i place the person as a priority and he / she just regarded me as an option. and in return, i most definitely shouldn't do that to someone else.
office is shifting to another location soon. went to have a look. as i was boarding the lift to leave, i met a young malay, i can safely comment in her twenties, was the cleaner there. she is pretty and from the way she pushed the cart into the lift, no doubt she's a newbie. i asked her if her job was tough and she replied, "quite." so i continued before she left that i'll be working on the nineth floor. she smiled and left.
the next moment, when i got out from the elevator, i felt an urge to cry. i don't know why i'm so overwhelmed. i know that i dreamt of "such people" before but in a totally different situation.
alrighty, i shall stop here. bye!