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Dear Blog,

i realized how heavy-weight the word love is... love is just too BIG a word to describe any emotion i feel currently... love must be a wonderful feeling that makes one turn completely ecstatic, engaged in a world which cannot be found anywhere on earth; float like angel with wings, smile at the slightest thought of the source, motivation to live to spend many more years with that cause of meaning... it's been a long long time since i felt ever i'm in love...

love shouldn't be just an illusion... illusions do not last... it's neither a game nor a cuff... it should not be associated with karma... it's not being judged by horoscope or zodiac compatibility... it's not equivalent to sex... however, love is a necessity for sex...

these days i've been thinking through a lot... i remember myself smiling radiantly when i saw his face... i wanted to be the best lover ever really... oh wells, that side of me is dead... somehow i don't really want to revive it.

somehow i begin to feel the straint on many things in lfe... i feel responsibility... i sense a greater load... i feel alone... really alone on this planet... it's like i need to push myself to be totally accountable to all shit happening in my life... it's really okay... one needs to be living his/her own life... independent... you might have found the most dependable person of your life at this point but you cannot hold his/her hand always... there's some points you just need to cross the narrow one-man bridge alone. don't be afraid... cause you live your life. people are just there to support. at least the person is beside... you're not on no-man's land... (that's what i tell myself)

of course life revolves around more than just 1 person... it's always good to appreciate the good things around you... someone popping by to have lunch, someone to talk about old times, someone to share ideas with, someone who check in with you throughout the day, someone you care and never want to forget - ever.

*pam*
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