Skip to main content

The Precedented Occurance Cycle of my MAD Behaviour

Dear Blog,

there's a hole in my heart,
which can't seem to be filled.
i demanded for an anwer;
"why?" time after time,
i know the answer yet do not know how to act.

it was uncanny of me to react the way i did.
however, it was the primal reaction i would have.
sigh, i can't leave you because truly,
i can't find someone else like you.
it's a pity if i leave,
you are so altruistic
while what am i?

i can't help but have the demented sydrome.
why can't i just be contented?
sigh, i don't know what's good for me.

~

Dear Blog,

Sometimes I really wish I can be happier. Have a positive attitude but somehow as Danny once remarked, "you have a sad aura." Perhaps it's true.

Why?

Thoughts can't seem to be flowing out of my brain. I hit the keys on the keyboard @ like 20wpm.

Relationship - A noun I cannot live without now.
Yet why am I treating it like a wind that comes and go.

Just so dissatisfied with myself.

Though I really want to be better, occasionally I say to myself,"be yourself."
Not that being myself does not have the element of wanting to improve. It's just that being myself, I wouldn't push myself so hard.

I'm at the crossroad. I hope I made the right decision.

Love,
Pam

Comments

27hcram said…
Hey dear, how are you? You don't sounds fine lei...is everything ok there? :)

Love,
Jiabao

Popular posts from this blog

Personal Perspective on CHC Fiasco

My personal perspective on the City Harvest Church fiasco: #1. God is omnipresent (present everywhere), omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing) and God knew about this episode. I believe God is watching.; #2. The CAD does not charge without concrete evidence (they have taken sufficient time to investigate - 2 years). May justice prevail.; #3. It is unavoidable for members of the public with little information about Christianity to judge.  It is also one of my weaknesses to be quick to judge/form negative impression about others, which is unhealthy.; #4. I believe to a certain extent, the message of giving and tithing is relatively strong in City Harvest Church - I may be wrong.  (fyi, I have visited the church a couple of times) My personal belief is that it is important to give to God because God is the creator of everything that exists. He owns everything and we are simply stewards of what we have been entrusted with.  Though I h...

Acquaintances with Benefits

When I was young (in upper primary), my birthday wishes were similar.  It was to have many friends.  That could be due to the fact that I am an only child and may feel lonely at times.  Thanks to my best friends (you know who you are), I seldom feel lonely.  I can easily identify who my best friends are.  They are people I would ask for opinions on important decisions I have to make, meet relatively regularly (at least bimonthly, quarterly) for chit-chat and my life would have been very different without them. According to Robin Dunbar , in order to maintain stable social relationships where an individual knows who each person is, and how each person relates to every other person.  Friends are essentially different from acquaintances.  Acquaintances are typically: #1. People whom you may have only met a few times at an event/function; #2. Classmates/schoolmates/coursemates you have encountered casually; #...

Outlier

It is always amazing meeting outliers. One who respectfully defies what ageing means in recent decades.  It is awesome to encounter a senior (almost twice my age) who is fitter than me. So inspiring! She embodies the example of good stewardship and living well in the last trimester of life 🧓🏻💛