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*photo-looking*


was looking through the ex - cell prom photos which were taken about 2 years ago. i had funky short hair. i was more cheerful. i was even more naive. i was younger. i was a better person. smiling and glowing.

~

within a short 2 years, so much have changed.
i have long hair.
i've become more pessimistic.
i'm not so naive.
i'm officially an adult.
i am a worse person.
still smiling but some say ungenuine.

~

only heaven knows what becomes of me 2 years from now.
if there are any prerequisites to be taken to prevent me from becoming a horrid me, i would.
colours seem to be fading from my life.
i don't see any purpose.
i know there is.
God is.
i just don't feel it anymore.
all i wanna do is to have quality time with my loved ones, learn new things, earn, spend and save currencies. not forgetting some hours to myself.

~

ah lian. wild.
look at these 2 adjectives.
do they describe me?
my colleagues have used that on me.
i'm a little affected.
though only a few made that comment.
and in response, i ejaculated, "which part of me?"
then my male colleague remarked, "girls who wear toe rings are really wild."
i'm like duh. =I
do i even speak or behave like an ah lian?
here i must justify, i don't condemn ah lians, ah huays, minas, ah bengs, ah sengs etc.
the point is i think people hang on tightly to their visuality to form their impressions.
i don't really care about those negative comments because i didn't do anything against myself and most certainly against others.
another thing is i appreciate their opinions anyway. you can't change how people perceive you quickly.
perhaps most humans are judgemental.
i'm judgemental and critical too, i must admit.
however, my impressions can change. the person just have to prove it. and of course i must give a chance. sometimes i'm just too critical. i either take a longer time or don't bother.

~

i know my weakness is somehow more prominent these days.
like my blunt choice of words.
my indifferentness.
my quietness.
forgive me if you received any of the above treatment.
i'm tired of being good.
just gimme a break.
i hope i'll revert.
if i don't after some time.
just throw me back what you received and i presume i'll be sorry.

~

take care all. i still love ya'll. =)

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