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JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems! Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

statements highlighted red and in bold seem to describe me. the one in green is no doubt, true. working on my current job made me feel like the 'old' me once again. the 'old' me kept visiting me but i guess this time it's gonna stay for a while. i felt quieter these days. when i meet up with friends, i appeared to be listening to them more.

there seemed to be no directions ahead of me. it's like my walking has turned to sauntering to no man's land. i'm contented with what i'm doing; my job. though there's a lack of: -

1) $$; low income
2) recognition
3) self-expression (confine to wearing uniform)
4) personal time
5) interaction with most colleagues

nevertheless, what i gained are: -

1) income
2) a relaxing and happy job
3) exposure to multi-national children
4) observation of people from different walks of life
5) in-depth conversations with a few colleagues

i imagine myself not living in Singapore. probably residing in australia or new zealand. i would face a milder pressure of having to have a more reputable job title and also job as well. i'm not saying that staying in my country's no good and neither am i complaining about my job position. i'm just saying that i'll sense lesser comparison. sometimes now i wonder what am i doing with my life? i want a very carefree lifestyle. and i thought i'm ok. but the rational me told me not. i need to advance. earn more. learn new things. i'm just too comfortable on the hot air balloon. i gotta burst the balloon and start climbing. i kinda know what i want for my future but there's still a part of me being the usual confuse one.

i'm seeking.

seeking for the lost world... inside of me.

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